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[personal profile] yaramaz
Stolen from [livejournal.com profile] poisedmidway 
 
These questions have no right or wrong answers.
 
Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.
 
1.How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
 
It depends on the day. I'm 24 today but on Monday I was in my mid-40s.
 
2.Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Never trying. I've failed at many many things but I'm glad to have at least ruled them out. Unlike Piaf, I have regretted a few but not enough to kick myself in retrospect for trying.
 
3.If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
 
Brainwashing. Inadvertent social conditioning. I am very guilty of it, even though I am aware or it more as I grow older and more jaded. I still have to frequently remind myself that nothing but breathing, food, water, shelter, clothing (when necessary) and some reciprocal affection are really needed to be genuinely okay.
 
4.When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

Oh, god, no- otherwise I'll have said way too much.
 
5.What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

Less micro-managing of people's lives, beyond a general sense of keeping social order. 
 
 
6.If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Kitten seller?
 
7.Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

Both. I love teaching but it is imperfect in application- right now, I have no colleagues and students who struggle in a poorly organised program. I teach abroad because i like being in other places but Shanghai is not exactly where I thrive. I feel very strongly about both what i do and how I do it but have yet to actually pull it off in a way that makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing.
 
8.If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

I'd have worried less when I was younger and I'd have learned to identify and dispose of bad, soul-sucking assholes at a much younger age instead of wasting my life thinking I was at fault.
 
9.To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

I've adjusted the wheel a few degrees to either side once the gales have blown me on to a new course, to keep from capsizing. Can't say I'm in control of anything, as major surprises have always popped up with great regularity that change everything I'd tentatively planned for. D. was one of those things- I'd just got my manager job and my lovely new flat and all my funky marvellous furniture and then I met him two weeks before he was going to move to Prague and next thing I knew, the options had totally changed. You can't make 5-year plans, only adjustments.
 
10.Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

Doing the right things. I'm not a micro manager.
 
11.You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

I shred them, tactfully, and call attention to the fact that they are being assholes. Many people forget or don't realize when they are being assholes. It just slips out, especially in small groups, when assholery escalates. 
 
12.If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Don't let others tell you to do what goes against your gut. You are you and they are they and they can't know what you need more than you can.
 
13.Would you break the law to save a loved one?
 
Probably, but it depends on the law (not really keen on killing)
 
14.Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
 
No, not off hand.
 
15.What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
 
Noticing and mental processing.
 
16.How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

Because I am not them.
 
17.What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
 
I would like a home of my own. Something that's not just rented or shared or temporary. Somewhere I can paint it the way I'd like and fill it with all my pretty things that have been kept in stasis for over a decade upstairs at my parents' house. Somewhere I can always go home to. What's holding me back? Money, for one, and uncertainty about location. I'm not sure where I want to be longterm. I used to think it'd be Turkey and was seriously thinking about buying a home there but my universe has changed a lot in the last few years. Maybe Mexico. Maybe Morocco. Thinking.
 
18.Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
 
 I spent part of last week clearing out my old bedroom at my parents' house, putting everything in orderly boxes to be stored in the attic. I have a LOT of stuff that I ought to let go of but I'm not ready yet.
 
19.If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

Possibly Oman as I prefer dry heat and love deserts.  I miss the call to prayer, even though I'm not religious. I find it soothing. 
 
20.Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

No. No.
 
21.Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

Genius.
 
22.Why are you, you?

Trial and error.
 
23.Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
 
I hope so.
 
24.Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

Losing touch with friends always makes me ache.
 
25.What are you most grateful for?
 
My life is actually pretty good on a lot of levels, from health to prosperity to friends and family. I'm very lucky even though I sometimes don't feel that way.
 
26.Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

I have really bad memory to begin with so I'm not really sure. 
 
27.Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

No.
 
28.Has your greatest fear ever come true?

A few times, yes.  Most recently when we did our advanced diving course in Qiandao Lake, during the Deep Dive, the silt was kicked up to the point of no visibility (not even to read the depth/air gauges) and both my fins somehow floated off somewhere around 24m.  I didn't know which end was up, I didn't know if I was going up or down, I couldn't see my dive partner, and I couldn't kick to move. That was pretty appalling but I'm still alive and it wasn't as awful as I'd feared (I have always been terrified of deep water/being trapped underwater)
 
29.Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

Ha! Which time? Five years ago was 2005, February-- I was probably pretty upset with Candan, my paratrooper ex in Kayseri. We were in the final death throes of our missmatched relationship by that point and I had gone back to see him for the Kurban Bayram, Linda in tow. We watched sheep being sacrificed in backyards near his building and argued endlessly. It was a pretty shitty holiday.
 
30.What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

I don't know. I have an appalling memory. My childhood is a blur.
 
31.At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

Camping out under the stars in Oman about 4 years ago, on a two week end-of-Ramadan road trip. I love deserts and I love road trips and I love camping under the stars. That was a fucking AWESOME trip.  
 
32.If not now, then when?

Yater.
 
33.If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

Technically nothing, but it doesn't hurt to keep trying.
 
34.Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
 
Yes.
 
35.Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

People are idiots.
 
36.Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

No.
 
37.If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
 
 Yes, yes. Definitely. 
 
38.Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

More work I enjoy doing. Much more enjoyable than less but crappier work.
 
39.Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

Yes. Not this day in particular, but other days.
 
40.When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

Often.
 
41.If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

Possibly no one, because the knowledge that I neglected certain people and favored another on the eve of their known death would haunt me for a long time. It might be easier to just go cold turkey, as hard as it may be. 
 
42.Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
 
No.
 
43.What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

Alive is the bare basics and truly living is in the detail and in the energy.  
 
44.When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

Er, now?
 
45.If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

Because mistakes aren't usually fun and they can be embarrassing and painful or disastrous at times.
 
46.What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Nothing.
 
47.When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

Now. I often notice my breathing.
 
48.What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

I don't know how to answer this question without sounding trite.
 
49.In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

Unlikely, given my foggy memory banks.  This is why I keep journals.
 
50.Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
 
 I'm working on the former and hoping it isn't the latter.
 
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